One summer evening, my son was toddling around the kitchen as I was cleaning up after dinner. He had a Dr. Seuss book in his hand--probably his favorite 'Fox in Socks', which is the greatest tongue-twister of a book I've ever attempted (unsuccessfully) to read. I was putting dishes into the dishwasher and had gone into the living room to get the last few cups left on the table. I walked back into the kitchen, saw what my son was doing, and exclaimed loudly, "Don't put your book in the dishwasher!!" As soon as that came out of my mouth, I realized it was Wednesday night. Church choir night. This ordinarily would not be a problem, except we a. were renting the manse next door to the church, b. the kitchen window was right above the walkway into the church and was wide open, and c. people were walking in, and I had just said something that sounded completely and utterly insane. I peeked out the window at the sidewalk below and breathed a sigh of relief--no one was close enough to have heard my crazy comment.
It made me aware of some of the other things that make us sound like we're inmates of insane asylums, except for the fact that we're parents. Being a parent makes these comments entirely reasonable, or, if not reasonable, shows scientifically that yes, having kids makes us go bananas.
There have been other things that my Trusty Hubby and I have said to our kids and cats that have displayed the fact that we're parents and/or absolute fruitcakes.
Some of these include:
Don't lick the butter
Get out of the toilet! (I've said that to both cats and kids)
The litterbox is not a sandbox
You have to use toilet paper when you wipe
Don't throw up on the couch
Don't put waffles in the VCR
You can't give beanie babies baths in the toilet
Don't put your diaper on the cat
and one of my favorites, which I actually said to my son when we were eating at a Denny's one time:
Don't put pancakes in your pants!